Friday, May 30, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:20 PM
omg.
i think my J1s are so damn cute.
ok..so i think it's super fun working at NY..cos my J1 babies are so adorable..and so..psychotic? it's ok. art ppl are known to be nuts. i lub em!!! also i get to hang out in the teachers room all day with cheng doing tape art. we get to watch the rugby and soccer matches going on outside..cheerin inside, gossippin. it's damn fun and i feel so blessed. working during the hols is just..nice. =)
cheng!!! tapeart-ing.
So the J1s did some really lame stuff to keep themselves entertained whilst in the midst of their long painting hours. they like to make animal noises..so it really sounds like a zoo outside the art room most of the time, which reflects why on the first day, they labeled themselves after animals with masking tape on their backs. called themselves ''animal exhibits''. on the second day, they were "criminals". it's hilarious. i have all the pics, but the labels would be too small fer u to see so nvm. all i can say is that kao was names "horndog" on day 1, and "amateur porn star" on day 2. go figure.
but here are some othe pics i took fer your pleasure:
and now i have a tribute to me dear tutee - ms qianying, who unfortunately, has to paint lots of yusof ishaks for her lovely painting. so here's some of the yusof ishaks she drew(as reference fer the actual ones she has to PAINT). hehe. it's so cute la! first one looks like picasso.
YOU CAN DO IT QIANYING!!!
anyway. on an end note, i would like to thank everybody who showed such concern fer me when i was so freagin down. i know i din talk much to some about it, but it really meant so much that u cared to ask me if i was ok. THANK YOU MY DEARS! LOVE U ALL SO MUCH! <3
♥ with love, meow
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:00 PM
view from the top!
♥ with love, meow
Monday, May 26, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:48 PM
oh ppl
i'm absolutely FINE
i'm not so upset anymore about my loss. The reason why i was so upset i guess was because at the time when it had just happened, i was devastated at losing my dream. I had prayed so hard that god give me my will, that i realise what i was really praying was that i wanted my will to be god's will as well..but i guess it wasn't. so naturally, being a stupid human, i cursed and sweared and was angry at him..cos i didn't get what i prayed for. BUT..i guess i can only live in comfort knowing that he will give me whatever he knows is best fer me, not necessarily what i think is best fer me.
and also, i guess there was a minute amount of relief that i wouldn't have to face some of the insecurities there were haunting me if i did get to go. i mean....it would have been WONDERFUL, i would have been ECSTATIC. but some of my fears were to do with of course the bond, whether i'd be able to handle teaching full blow, whether i would be able to deal with it after having so much difficulty with relief teachin at sec school. JC is no walk in the park either...cos i know i'm being taken care of NY now, but it'll be a whole diff ball game when i get into it fer real. and also whether i'd be able to do good in the fine arts course at goldsmiths, whether i'd be able to make good work on my own..yea.
at NUS i would also have my 2 brothers around..oldest would be on the same campus..other one somewhere in business and engineerin...but they'd be around none the less..feel secure knowing that. it'd be quite fun, provided they dun PS me.
yea..i'm just consoling myself. but i honestly do feel a lot better. how would i then satisfy my deep desire to go to london??? holiday there in december during shang's term break, and enjoy the city as a tourist rather than a student. =) start saving...
MEANWHILE, on an entirely different note, J1s have started that UOB painting project! so here are some photos from todays activity! enjoy!
discuss discuss...
kao's..dress?
there's that dirty look that i always get!
QIANYING!!! YOU CAN DO IT!
♥ with love, meow
Saturday, May 24, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:07 PM
dunt worry shangyi, adm is the last place i will go. for pro adm-ers, i really have nothing against adm, it's just personally not fer me..so i get so pissed off when ppl come and tell me to go adm, that it will open lotsa doors, it's just another form of fine art, i can always go on exchange programs. SHUT UP! going on an exchange program is HARDLY the same as studying there full time and they noe it. And WHy the HELL should i go to study in ADM when i have no interest in design what so ever. for goodness sake, why should i take something just because it's REMOTELY related to what i really want to study. SERIOUSLY..i am in a state of utter resentment towards 'the ministry', my parents and ppl who tell me that it's not a big deal and i should just accept it. IT DOESN"T HELP to tell me that.MY PARENTS KEEP SAYING TAT THEY WILL HAVE A CONVERSATION BOUT IT WITH ME BUT THEY HAVEN"T. THEY HAVE ACCEPTED MY STATE WHILE I HAVEN"T. THEY KEEP SAYING I CAN ALWAYS STUDY ART LATER IN MY LIFE. BUT WHY SHOULD I STUDY SOMETHING ELSE WHICH I HAVE NO INTEREST IN, FORCE MYSELF TO STUDY IT..FOR 4 FREAGIN YEARS. THE 4 YEARS WHICH WOULD DETERMINE MY LIFE. OF ALL THE YEARS OF MY EDUCATION, THESE ARE THE ONES WHICH MATTER AND I HAVE TO BE STUCK WITH A COURSE WHICH IS SECONDARY TO ME. WHAT THE HELL IS HEAVEN TRYING TO DO. WHY IS HEAVEN SCREWING WITH MY LIFE?!?!??!?!?!?!
i'm done with the sad stage of my withdrawal..apparently i have entered the 'hate everybody, spit on everything' stage, where i'm just so totally fucking angry with all the the things which i wanted, but can't have. all the things which i have achieved BUT ARE WORTH SHIT! because they can't even lead me on the path which seems so totally right fer me. WHAT WORTH IS 4 STUPID As?!?!??!?!
i know many of you will read this is wonder what the hell i'm complaining about..i got my As, i can pretty much go whereever i want. but no, cos i've been cursed with ART as my passion, my interest, and my hobby, and been cursed to have this interest in a place such as Singapore where Artists have absolutely NO fuTUre. NO ONE WANTS TO INVEST IN AN ARTIST IN SINGAPORE!!!whatever. accept my fate.
♥ with love, meow
♥
Last posted@11:42 AM
FOR NUTS SAKE STOP TELLING ME TO GO TO FUCKING ADM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
♥ with love, meow
Friday, May 23, 2008 ♥
Last posted@10:00 PM
Shangyi
what kills me the most is having to send you off alone.
To know that you're there alone,
to know that i have to stay here and not have you around..
that i have to lose a dream
and the presence of one of my closest and dearest friends
all at the same time..
i'm really sorry i can't go with you.
meanwhile. i have to started to face reality..accept it and live it, cos if i dunt i'd just be totally miserable fer the rest of my life..and i dunt deserve to be..cos lotsa good things have happened to me before, so i dunt deserve to be miserable. i find going to work an excellent remedy for my pain. when i'm alone it escalates, when i'm with family, i only feel the unreasonable resentment towards them, when i'm at work, i'm distracted, i'm working, there are people who dunt noe what i'm going through cos i dunt show it, so they treat me normally. there is laughter and joy when i'm there, so my heartache vanishes for a while and everything seems rosey..the moment i'm alone again, i break.My dearest friends, just let me emo fer a while..meanwhile, i really don't want to talk about it. and i honestly dunt feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone. it's nothing against anybody, i just don't feel like.. communicating..
♥ with love, meow
♥
Last posted@8:11 AM
what do i do now..
yesterday was horrible. i cried twice, as in really cried, not just like a silent tear, but like bawling? once after i received that email and another time before i slept. the 2nd time was cause when i came home from dinner, i thought my parents would want to discuss some kind of possible solution with me. but when i came home they were out, so i though mebe they went out to do something which was to do with my problem. but turned out..they went out to buy a kettle. at such a time, they went all the way out.. to buy a kettle.. so nvm, mebe i was beinga little conceited, but after i thought, surely they would talk to me bout it..but my dad came up and looked at me and said,
"well..we gave it a shot..dunt be too upset"
my mum didn't say anything. then they went to bathe. and i thought, ok, i'll wait here a bit longer, mebe they're thinking bout what to say. so i waited till they were all done bathing and changing and whatever and still just silence. mum readher book, dad was looking at some restauraunt article. so i tried bringing it up and asked them, how does a student loan work? my mum explained a lil and then kpt quiet again. i sat a while more, waiting, flipping the newspaper but not reading it..then i just left the room..cos i guess..they din intend to say anything.
it's funny how i can expct my parents to be able to say something which could make me feel better but they say things that only make me feel worse. or worse...then dunt say anything. it's like...they've accepted so quickly, before even i can accept, that i would jus have to take my backup and go to NUS FASS. save them the effort and the cost of going through the trouble to take up a loan, to pay it back. i guess i'm just not worth all that trouble.
it's my life..so nobody cares as much about it except me..not even my parents. nobody gives a shit whether i'm happy studying what i'm study where i'm studying fer 4 years. because i gave it all that i could fer the scholarship, i didn't make it, therefore i should just accept it as something which wasn't meant to be. no point exploring alternatives...
♥ with love, meow
Wednesday, May 21, 2008 ♥
Last posted@12:52 PM
all this anxiety makes me ill.
i'm praying everynight now. makes me realise how bad a christian i've been.i would think that that's what happens to lotsa christians, or maybe it's a ppl thing in general. only to really pray when they need something, when they want something.it's really bad..and i'm guilty.
my nights have been rough also. i'm still a littly ill from the throat infection. now i've got a seriously runny nose and cough. it literally leaks like a faucet..like my head would be down and plop it goes. haha. dun mean to gross u out. then at night i'd have these ridiculous nose bleeds..i might be losing serious amounts of blood..maybe i'll die. *shrugs
i changed my blogskin due to the following reasons:
it reminds me of London too much, thus making me more excited bout it, thus making any possible disapointment harder to bare
it's lame since i probably won't get the chance to go anyway..
i'm trying to stay optimistic, but i feel that if i let myself be too optimistic, that it just won't happen. cos generally if i expect something to happen it usually doesn't. that's my curse..
daddy also subscribed to lotsa new cable channels which just came into operation yesterday. i watched E! entertainment channel all night long and all morning long..i suspect i'll tire of it soon. o well..that's it fer this episode update of my pathetic boring life.
SeeYa
♥ with love, meow
Sunday, May 18, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:06 PM
oh Lord please.
Please God please.
i've been sick fer the last two days. blessed that it came and gone really quickly though i was really quite deathly ill on the first night. i think it was because of the news from moe lo..was on the verge of illness already but that really just threw me off entirely. was really pretty upset, but all hope is not yet lost..i did my appeal up quickly, and now my fate really lies in the hands of a miss farhanah ikram, and in the hands of god.i prayed a lot of times before. i requested that, if things were really not meant to be, then just let it not be meant right from the start. if i'm not meant to go to london, then i shouldn't have gotten the call from goldsmiths, i shouldn't have gotten in, i shouldn't have gotten the call from moe, i just shouldn't have gotten anything from the start, cos that would only give me hope, and build my expectations and anticipations, and i've gotten through everything that i needed to to get to london, the grades, the uni offer, just that one more thing, just that scholarship, and i'd be going, that was the last thing. and this had to happen. why, can i ask, must i be pulled pulled pulled higher and higher only to be smacked right down again. why should i have worked so hard to go when in the end it'd all been fer nothing anyway..am i not meant to study art?
then what were my years in NY for?
Why did i even get into NY AEP?
and why do i feel with all my heart and soul that art is the only thing that should be studying?
please don't torture me. you can scold me fer expecting too much, wanting too much, complaining too much. but the honest truth is. if my appeal fails, i'd be devastated. utterly and totally, devasted, distraught and depressed. ever had a dream and hope crushed, torn, mangled till it's unrecognisable..? i sure as hell dunt wanna noe what it's like. but i just might..
♥ with love, meow
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:25 PM
everything's not going as planned, as hoped, as dreamt
we're not getting what we want
our moods are all over the place
our relationships are fragile and cracking
our hearts are never free
never unburdened
our minds never clear
our souls never at peace
all we need is some assurance
some approval
some sign that everything will be ok
days promised to be rosey
nights sworn to be calm
all we need is some peace
peace of mind
what the hell is wrong with the world
♥ with love, meow
♥
Last posted@10:16 AM
oh god..shangyi.
i hope you're ok...
♥ with love, meow
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 ♥
Last posted@8:38 PM
I GOT MAIL!!!
but not the one i'm waiting for
tuesdays are like damn long..9am to 6pm. especially since cheng hong wasn't around today. pang seh-er. i keep getting pang seh-ed. first, by this Beryl..who ps-ed me like 2 times at least already..now cheng ps me..then ppl go see movie without me..poo. =P (heehee, dun worry shang, i'm not THAT upset..heehee) so anyway, i was kept busy with some marking, staring, cutting, printing, staring, sticking, buy food-ing, staring, eating, staring, staring and staring.yea. so i did get some mail today. from UCAS, telling me to send back some slip to confirm my place at goldsmiths, but i think i shan't do that till i noe bout my scholarship, and a packge from UOB, telling me that my TX card has been discontinued, so they gave me a new card, called a "NOW" card..and it can be used to withdraw and pay fer stuff, as well as as an ezlink card. cool hor. haish..excitin stuff, but not the mail that i'm so anxious for. the days are passing really slowly cos i'm so anxious bout it...Anyway, everybody seems to love<3 my sesame street hoodie! heehee. i'm thinking i should get another pattern from fredflare..there was one with the newyork subway network on it..too bad i'm not going newyork. they should have one with the london underground lines...that one sure buy ler. oh well, i took some shots of J1 practical today..used the 'stitch' function on my camera..enjoy:
btw, the words which u can't really see say "SLACKING" and "DISTRACTED"
♥ with love, meow
Saturday, May 10, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:00 PM
will i ever get mail?!?!
today i had the strong urge to do some art work, but had no idea where to start, what to do, what materials to use, what scene to paint..gorsh. so i ended up just thinking bout it all day long and not gettin down to doing anything..i do that a lot. the most i came up with today was this little sketch of zinc..not even on proper paper..but i didn't use lightbox ok.. must start weaning myself away from lightbox...
oh. today also went fer mother's day lunch..though it was spoilt by certain events that i wun elaborate due to certain sensitivities. but yea..'the food was good, but it didn't taste good.' as quoted by my dad, due to these certain events. none the less, mummy received her present from me already, i gave it to her like 2 weeks in advance actually. i'm helping her collect precious thoughts figurines..so far she's only got 2..haha.
In the evening, i went to collect my sesame street hoodie from yuting!!! remember sesame street??? omg. it's so nice, even though it's like men size medium, in US size, making it HUGE!!! but who cares, it looks awesome.
i should receive mail next week..♥ with love, meow
Friday, May 9, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:50 PM
"Be Yourself Day"
yea. unexpectedly i went to work today and saw a whole bunch of strangely clad ppl, including Elvis, dressed as "Elvis"(The Singer), and a bunch of emo J1s foolin around in the art room. the reason fer this madness? it's BE YOURSELF DAY at NYJC!!! Though it's strange to me that to many, "be yourself'' means wearing their sec school uniform..man, singaporeans sure have identity crisis, they identify themselves with their sec schools. it's sad. Anyway, Elvis must have been the best dressed with wig and the whole hooha, though the wig looked a lot like a birds nest and a lot like feng ji's hair...(hmm...) XP
Huimin!!!
yes that IS Mr Lau wearing the wig..
compare the Elvis wig to Fengji's hair..similar?
At the same time, Cheng hong was building shelves all day and she's so comical and cute. couldn't resist recording down the events with my camera..
who's that in box?
cheng: "it's me..sobx"
ms hew to the rescue!!!
ms hew: "give me ur hand cheng!!!"
ms hew: "o no wait, there's space in here, i wanna get in too! MAKE ROOM CHENG!"
after work, i then went down city hall to meet tze, poh and serene fer dinner and shoppin. i was early as always (although zinc will say that it's cos i never tell her that i ended lesson already), so i walked over the bras basah art friend to spend money like water..seriously lor, i spend the most when i'm art supply shoppin cos it's just so fun and everything looks so damn nice and like all the paint brushes look so delicious, and the pencils looks so crunchy, and the colour pencils and markers like...OMG..so colourful..so beautiful..have to BBUYYY...so spent $160 there..on top of the other $70 plus that i spent there just yesterday. die..gotta stop spending..boycott shops...boycott eating.
My beautiful collection of art supplies..
♥ with love, meow
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 ♥
Last posted@10:00 PM
|
WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com |
| You scored as Visual&PerformingArts You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in the Visual or Performing Arts (e.g., Art, Art Education, Art History, Ceramics, Culinary Arts, Dance, Drawing, Fashion Design, Film, Graphic Design, Interior Design, Marketing (advertising), Music, Music Education, Music Theory, Painting, Photography, Theatre).
It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.
Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal. Visual&PerformingArts |
| 88% | English/Journalism/Comm |
| 81% | Psychology/Sociology |
| 69% | HR/BusinessManagement |
| 63% | History/Anthropology/LiberalArts |
| 63% | Education/Counseling |
| 63% | French/Spanish/OtherLanguage |
| 63% | Biology/Chemistry/Geology |
| 56% | Religion/Theology |
| 50% | Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health |
| 50% | Accounting/Finance/Marketing |
| 38% | PoliticalScience/Philosophy |
| 38% | Physics/Engineering/Computer |
| 31% | Mathematics/Statistics |
| 19% |
|
♥ with love, meow
♥
Last posted@9:12 PM
NO MAIL AGAIN!!!
had headache ALL DAY.
Today started with a dream. it was such a crazy dream, so action packed and just utterly ridiculous. i was running around the whole time in the dream, jumping, lunging, squeezing places, screaming, shouting, whatever u can think of. it was a dream bout a giant octopus which wanted to kill everybody. If its tentacles touched u, u'd get electrocuted. and the only way to protect urself was to hide in cars, which in my dream, there was a desperate lack of. so i still managed to find one hidden in the sand, so i dug and dug and squeezed in, only to realise that it was already full of ppl, so all the limbs were like hanging out of the car and the octopus still got us in the end. when i woke up in a daze, i thought to myself, man..this dream can be made into a movie lor..but when i think back about it now, like..it was a damn stupid senseless dream. i also woke up feeling like i hadn't slept at all, thus my throbbing headache which lasted all day up till now.
the only thing that's keeping me sane is the 2 panadols which i popped earlier, thanks to yan jie who went to the bookshop to get them fer me. so nice and caring.. =P in fact a lot of ppl were very concerned..and i feel so thankful fer all of em. Thank you J2s!!! +merhunk & hanny hugx.
I also had presentation fer the J1s today on Graffiti and i was nervous bout it since last night, which is probably why i had that stupid action movie dream cos my mind was so restless. It was alrite, i already warned them that i was nervous bout it b4..and they were like..."Oh..it's ok, just do la, we wun laugh at you." so i did, and as usual, i like banged through it, and it ended in like 15 minutes, or even less actually. lol. mei hung said i did ok. but i dunno, i gotta learn to be luo suo and like, maintain my voice cos i lost my voice very quickly.. the J1s seemed alrite and like they understood what i was blabberin about, they even laughed a bit, that's good rite? haha. k, shan't dwell on it anymore..
some lame pics from today:
elvis-dressed fer success
'whisper whisper...'
breathing into kao's ear..
♥ with love, meow
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 ♥
Last posted@10:57 PM
still no mail
isn't it strange how love can turn to hate
it sure takes a lot of effort to hate..
especially when it's in your face all day
that's why i need this scholarship
so i may be rid of it
Today Kaiying visited us during her work hours. notty gerl.. and finally all the dimensions for the J1s UOB Project are out. i'm getting sicker and sicker of waiting and wondering and working (lotsa 'W's). life feels so mundane and repetitive..it's like. i have no life. All my friends are working, i see them like once in a blue moon only. i miss them like crazy..this must be what adulthood tastes like.. it really sucks. could i not grow up?
cheng is a button!
kaiying is dressed for National Day
haish. presentation tomorrow.
♥ with love, meow
Monday, May 5, 2008 ♥
Last posted@8:15 PM
no mail today..
Today Janice came to my house in the morning to return my blouse which she didn't even wear..wa liew lor. borrow fer what lor.. anyway, she also tried on the boots that i ordered online which were too big fer me. but she couldn't fit, so the boots go to sara darlin!!! woot! woowoo! then, janice dug out her whole closet from her bag and tried to sell it to me. tsk tsk. take advantage of my generous patronage to her online shoppy. i bought somethin..and tried on the rest, and ended up being her model fer one of her items. i suck at it. kept laughin and doing porn shots.. go see fer urself (i'm the one wearing the purple thing) :
anyway. we then proceeded to NY where i was forced, dragged, kicking and screaming around the school, just walking around lor..fer no reason. so hot and humid lor..i'd rather freeze in the art room. then jen pen left. =P
yea. was then notified that i'd have to do a presentation on graffiti art on wednesday for the J1s. oh wth. some more cheng doesn't work on that day and mer hung doesn't need to work anymore. crap. die..diedie DIE!!!
oh well. on a random note, during J2 prac, i started playing around with gabriel's stick man and made it do all kinds of stupid poses. Gabriel keeps saying that the poses look like Andre..dots. poor andre, looks like a stick man. anyway, i took shots with my !!!NEW CAMERA!!!
- enjoy -
oh yes. and i got another new phone.
it's a free one. so ya.
♥ with love, meow
Sunday, May 4, 2008 ♥
Last posted@8:39 PM
I HAVE A NEW BABY
it's name is
CANON DIGITAL IXUS860
welcome to the family
According to Seow Ling, my post entry is unacceptable as it is too short and i must elaborate on stuff. ok. so today i did not go to church as my mummy is still sick. like Seow Ling, she also got some stomach problem and has been sick since tuesday, though sL has been sick far longer, like 13 days. poor seow. yea..so lazed around all day long..blablabla.
then we went to carrefour suntec city to do grocery shopping and at the same time to find me a new camera to replace the one which my brother broke. smelly boy.. i had set my eyes on the canon digital ixus since i saw the advert in the newspapers and the guy introduced a lot of different brands and models to us but i liked this particular one cos it looked so puurrtty. it cost a lot more than the other ixus model, but papa said, i can choose whichever one i wanted. =) yay..so i chose this one. 8 megapix, widescreen. soooo puuurtyyy. wheeeeeeeeeee... it's slightly less compact and colourful as my exilim, but oh man oh man, it's got more functions, and ya, canon seems to have a better rep..
yea..that's enough elaboration fer now. so sian.
♥ with love, meow
Saturday, May 3, 2008 ♥
Last posted@4:31 PM
we're all gonna melt and die
in this blistering heat pool
known as Singapore
once again, many congratulations to xie shangyi for getting accepted by moe fer the teaching scholarship, although they want to send her to (!)CHINA(!) to study art which is Far Far Far and Over the moon Far from what she wants. but Congrats anyway, for being in such high demand. =)
meanwhile i shall wait patiently for my rejection(oopx, i mean acceptance) letter to fly my way, and hope that i dunt die from heat stroke before then.
my blog is so boring without pictures. my poor camera has been destroyed by my brother who couldn't even take of it fer 3 weeks in freagin Europe, in fact, he broke it like less than half way into the trip. argh. therefore, i am camera-less. actually it can be repaired, but having to spend another $199 on it, my dad thought, must as well buy a new one. which is like "YIPEE!!!" fer me, but i'll miss my poor camera, it was only a baby u noe.. i have my eye on the new canon digital ixus, 10 pixel. *drool
yea. so in the meantime, tolerate my boring picture-less blog. oh. and go watch iron man..it's like a rockin movie. ta.
♥ with love, meow
