yesterday my uncle asked me: "so cathleen, what are u doing now?"
me: "oh..at NUS FASS."
uncle: "what happened to the....(gesters paintings movement)"
me: "oh right...eh...*no money*"
uncle: (nods in understanding)
--silence--
brother swoops in to rescue conversation: "u got the local scholarship didn't you?"
me: "ya..'they' only gave me the local scholarship..(shrug)
uncle: "Ohh..then there's no point..u didn't take it right?"
me: "NO....(laugh)"
uncle: "yaaa..good. it's ok..can go after.." (assuming he meant for postgrad)

ok. it seems like quite a USUAL converstaion. but considering the content and who i was conversing with - makes this conversation quite significant to me(can't u tell? since i've apparently memorised exactly how the convo went?) it shows that he remembered and that i'm not quite so invisible. that i did not make a mistake refusing the local scholarship - and his opinion (though in minimal words) about that is very valuable to me. it also showed a degree of support..which up till yesterday, i assumed did not exist. a certain warmth was present as well which was pleasantly surprising.

sigh. i duno. it's a confusin family affair...i'm conflicted about it.






i've been MIA for a while now.



so yesterday night was NUS bash.
it was held at ZOUK.
so i thought we would go and test the singapore clubbing scene to see what the big fuss is about.
turns out the hype is nothing but hot air.
literally this is all we did:

1. line up
2. show IC (cos we all look underaged)
3. bag check
4. get a hand chop
5. flash ticket
6. receive a packet of useless coupons
7. squeeze through crowd
8. get yucky free drink
9. find comfortable spot to stand for the next 2 hours
10. cam whore cause there's nothing better to do
11. leave

not to mention our sore throats having to scream conversation throughout the evening. what's so great about clubbing man? it's kinda pointless. oh and i fell flat on my ass outside zouk..cause there were so many ppl and i didn't see the curb. i think i flashed some ppl while i was down too. haish. i think i'm permanently suay.

ANYWAY..i'm not going clubbing ever again(unless dragged kicking and screaming) besides, my brother says that there are only two reasons ppl go to clubs for - to pick up ppl and to get picked up..and since i'm interested in neither..like i said..pointless. sigh..

my teeth GLOW.

ok, before i start working, i would like to describe my day.
the suay-est day ever (so far)
i woke up at 0600 to go swimming at the club while my mum does tai chi.
so naturally i wore my swim suit inside my clothes.
swim swim swim, got up...
and then..
EPIPHANY IN THE SHOWER!!!!!
and loe and behold, missing from my bag, an extremely vital article of clothing.
haish..figure out the rest yourself (shouldn't be too hard)

so, the plan to go to NUS straight after swimmin was ruined.
rushed home, rectified the problem, and caught a ride from my brother.
lecture lecture lecture, went to buy textbook...
searching bag for wallet..
searching searching searching...
presence of wallet? NEGATIVE.
huge sigh..
then voila! sms from mum,
other brother is on his way to school and has my walllet.
YAY!!! HOPE FOR SALVATION!!!!
waited waited waited at carpark.
look at watch.
12pm..he has lecture at 12.
which means he's late.
nvm.
wait wait wait...saw pink car..zoomed pass me.
i thought - 'it's ok..he just went to park it'
wait wait wait.
THEN, in the distance, distinct figure of brother flying across the road.
but wait!
he's heading in the wrong direction!
I'M OVER HERE!!!!!
run run run.
dialed his hp number...
ring ring ring.
NO ANSWER!!!!!
WHERE DID U GO?!?!??!?!?
WHERE'S MY WALLET!?!?!??!!

argh. 4get it!
already late for appointment.
just go, can borrow money from jan and sara first.
got on bus..incoming sms.
"i'm at lt9, come get ur wallet."
in my head - 'I'M ON THE FREAKIN BUS ALREADY!!!'
conclusion: still walletless, cashless, cardless.

on train heading towards city hall..incoming sms.
Janice: "Cat..sara 4got to bring her wallet, but she say she'll pay us back"
Me: "Omg. i din bring also." (WHAT ARE THE ODDS!)
Janice: "OK you guys are not going to play tricks on me."
Me: "Sorry to burst ur bubble jen, but i'm not kidding."

*Handel's Hallelujah Chorus in background**
Yes, that was my day.
once something goes wrong, everything else just comes tumbling down.
perfect.






WAHAHAHAHA!
all you NTU, SMU, JC, Sec School, Pri School Suckers have started school already!!!!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
NUS ppl still got one more week to rot at home!!!

ok..cheap thrill.
so childish.
i'm actually quite bored at home.
it's now bidding peak period - very stress - worse than studying.
so i guess we're the suckers..

can't wait for school to start. =D






Oopx. ignore the previous entry. was seriously woozy.
anyway.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!!

but honestly. today feels just like any other day. yesterday felt like any other day. what's the big deal bout new years. i dont noe. i do not feel the need to make resolutions, or to reflect. life is enough of a hassle without having to manage years. if u ask me i think it's just better living life day to day in one stretch. but none the less, since i don't want to be a social deviant, LET ME REFLECT ON 2008, and MAKE SOME 2009 RESOLUTIONS. (resolutions are stupid since nobody ever follows them)

but firstly, i would like to thank sara - my dear dear fwen - who rescued me from lonerism on new years eve. =) if there's anything good about counting years, it's that it makes it easier to keep track and reminisce on good times with great ppl. thanks babe. i like our yakking sessions - sometimes their serious, sometimes their nutty - good diversity. haha. and guess we overestimated our alcohol tolerance. was already banging into things after a can. *shrugx** had a good sleep after that though. my limbs felt so comfortable. lol.


REFLECTIONS:

• if u asked me how my 2008 was, i would surely say - 2008 was the worst year of my life. because the first major dream and hope i had which really meant anything to me at all came crashing down on me. after working so hard all those months only to lose it all in the end. that's a failure that will stay with me forever.
• on top of that - lost friends come in at a close second to lost dreams. i'm not a fair weather friend, but fighting a storm for so long can kill you, and that's not a sacrifice i am willing to take.
• but of course - have to acknowledge the many blessing which 2008 has brought - including getting all my 'A's for A levels, opportunities and experiences working in NY, letting me hold on to my time there just a little longer, getting into NUS(though i resented being there for a while, i now realise how blessed i am to be there), as well as new friends and closer relationships with old friends.
• in summary, 2008 has been a year of change, in my life, and in the world as well. shan't talk about world events, cos i could just go on and on and on. adding on, though i would say that 2008 has been the worst year of my life, it could also have been my best. i wouldn't be surprised if both the highest and lowest points in my life have taken place in 2008. yea. so i have to stop all my negativity and count my blessings.

RESOLUTIONS:

1. hold on and maintain relationships with ppl close to my heart - whether they be near or far.
2. change my slackerish ways and score at least a 4.0 cap for semester 2.

yeap! that's all the resolutions i'm going to make, cos they're the only 2 resolutions which i would actually really want to keep, and which are significant. no point making stupid, pointless, insignificant, shallow resolutions.

ok. i'm off to live in 2009.

i have a very low alcohol tolerance.
i had 2 and 1/3 cans of carlsberg,
and i'm already high...
and super light headed.
can't walk straight.
needa pee.
can't type properly.
hahahaha.
not quite over the edge yet.
not quite talking loads of rubbish yet.
not quite out of control.
but almost there.
heeeeheeeee.
i feel sleepy.
needa pee.
ok bye.

cathleen

NUS FASS freshy
turning 20 this 12th July

ARTIST

desperately seeking
FREEDOM
PURPOSE
LIFE

lament.

maybe in some other time
some other place

inspire.

though we travel the world over the find the beautiful
we must carry it with us or we find it not

the sky.

www.flickr.com

a perfect paradox of constancy and change
always there but never the same

i love.

family
buddie baby
precious friends

LONDON

i must down to the seas again
to the lonely sea and sky
and all i ask
is a tall ship and star
to steer her by

talk to me.

i carry your heart.

e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go you go,
my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me
is your doing,
my darling

i fear no fate
for you are my fate,
my sweet
i want no world
for beautiful you are my world,
my true
and it's you are
whatever a moon
has always meant
and whatever a sun
will always sing
is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky
of a tree called life;
which grows higher
than the soul can hope
or mind can hide
and this is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart.

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart

angels.

cheng hong
claudyne
esther
inn poh
janice
joan
kai ying
mandy
seow ling
sara
serene
shangyi
sook chan
tze yin
xian min
xinli
zhixin

aep blog

listen.

here
there is love



Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.

It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.

love never fails


Corinthians 1:4-7

the history.

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
May 2009
June 2009

thanks.

Template (sweetpulchritude-)
Idea (`vanessa_)
Design (LGM