Friday, May 23, 2008 ♥
Last posted@8:11 AM
what do i do now..
yesterday was horrible. i cried twice, as in really cried, not just like a silent tear, but like bawling? once after i received that email and another time before i slept. the 2nd time was cause when i came home from dinner, i thought my parents would want to discuss some kind of possible solution with me. but when i came home they were out, so i though mebe they went out to do something which was to do with my problem. but turned out..they went out to buy a kettle. at such a time, they went all the way out.. to buy a kettle.. so nvm, mebe i was beinga little conceited, but after i thought, surely they would talk to me bout it..but my dad came up and looked at me and said,
"well..we gave it a shot..dunt be too upset"
my mum didn't say anything. then they went to bathe. and i thought, ok, i'll wait here a bit longer, mebe they're thinking bout what to say. so i waited till they were all done bathing and changing and whatever and still just silence. mum readher book, dad was looking at some restauraunt article. so i tried bringing it up and asked them, how does a student loan work? my mum explained a lil and then kpt quiet again. i sat a while more, waiting, flipping the newspaper but not reading it..then i just left the room..cos i guess..they din intend to say anything.
it's funny how i can expct my parents to be able to say something which could make me feel better but they say things that only make me feel worse. or worse...then dunt say anything. it's like...they've accepted so quickly, before even i can accept, that i would jus have to take my backup and go to NUS FASS. save them the effort and the cost of going through the trouble to take up a loan, to pay it back. i guess i'm just not worth all that trouble.
it's my life..so nobody cares as much about it except me..not even my parents. nobody gives a shit whether i'm happy studying what i'm study where i'm studying fer 4 years. because i gave it all that i could fer the scholarship, i didn't make it, therefore i should just accept it as something which wasn't meant to be. no point exploring alternatives...
♥ with love, meow
