Monday, May 26, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:48 PM
oh ppl
i'm absolutely FINE
i'm not so upset anymore about my loss. The reason why i was so upset i guess was because at the time when it had just happened, i was devastated at losing my dream. I had prayed so hard that god give me my will, that i realise what i was really praying was that i wanted my will to be god's will as well..but i guess it wasn't. so naturally, being a stupid human, i cursed and sweared and was angry at him..cos i didn't get what i prayed for. BUT..i guess i can only live in comfort knowing that he will give me whatever he knows is best fer me, not necessarily what i think is best fer me.
and also, i guess there was a minute amount of relief that i wouldn't have to face some of the insecurities there were haunting me if i did get to go. i mean....it would have been WONDERFUL, i would have been ECSTATIC. but some of my fears were to do with of course the bond, whether i'd be able to handle teaching full blow, whether i would be able to deal with it after having so much difficulty with relief teachin at sec school. JC is no walk in the park either...cos i know i'm being taken care of NY now, but it'll be a whole diff ball game when i get into it fer real. and also whether i'd be able to do good in the fine arts course at goldsmiths, whether i'd be able to make good work on my own..yea.
at NUS i would also have my 2 brothers around..oldest would be on the same campus..other one somewhere in business and engineerin...but they'd be around none the less..feel secure knowing that. it'd be quite fun, provided they dun PS me.
yea..i'm just consoling myself. but i honestly do feel a lot better. how would i then satisfy my deep desire to go to london??? holiday there in december during shang's term break, and enjoy the city as a tourist rather than a student. =) start saving...
MEANWHILE, on an entirely different note, J1s have started that UOB painting project! so here are some photos from todays activity! enjoy!
discuss discuss...
kao's..dress?
there's that dirty look that i always get!
QIANYING!!! YOU CAN DO IT!
♥ with love, meow
