Sunday, May 18, 2008 ♥
Last posted@11:06 PM
oh Lord please.
Please God please.
i've been sick fer the last two days. blessed that it came and gone really quickly though i was really quite deathly ill on the first night. i think it was because of the news from moe lo..was on the verge of illness already but that really just threw me off entirely. was really pretty upset, but all hope is not yet lost..i did my appeal up quickly, and now my fate really lies in the hands of a miss farhanah ikram, and in the hands of god.i prayed a lot of times before. i requested that, if things were really not meant to be, then just let it not be meant right from the start. if i'm not meant to go to london, then i shouldn't have gotten the call from goldsmiths, i shouldn't have gotten in, i shouldn't have gotten the call from moe, i just shouldn't have gotten anything from the start, cos that would only give me hope, and build my expectations and anticipations, and i've gotten through everything that i needed to to get to london, the grades, the uni offer, just that one more thing, just that scholarship, and i'd be going, that was the last thing. and this had to happen. why, can i ask, must i be pulled pulled pulled higher and higher only to be smacked right down again. why should i have worked so hard to go when in the end it'd all been fer nothing anyway..am i not meant to study art?
then what were my years in NY for?
Why did i even get into NY AEP?
and why do i feel with all my heart and soul that art is the only thing that should be studying?
please don't torture me. you can scold me fer expecting too much, wanting too much, complaining too much. but the honest truth is. if my appeal fails, i'd be devastated. utterly and totally, devasted, distraught and depressed. ever had a dream and hope crushed, torn, mangled till it's unrecognisable..? i sure as hell dunt wanna noe what it's like. but i just might..
♥ with love, meow
